Time to become a vegetarian for like four hours again

delcat:

Megan: DEL C’MERE
Me: What what what
Megan: Shhhh (points)
Me: TINY BABY TURKEYS
Cal: LEMME OUT LEMME OUT LEMME OUT
Megan: Come on, we can get out through the front door.
Cal: NUUUUUUH LEMME OOOOOUT
Both of us: (escape Cal, go outside to watch baby birbs)
Me: LISTEN TO THEM THEY SOUND LIKE VIDEO GAMES.
Megan: LOOK HOW CUTE THEY ARE.
Me: MEGAN I WANNA HUG THE BABY TURKEYS AND THE TURKEY MAMA.
Megan: No.
Both of us: (go back inside)
Cal: I AM BETRAAAAAAYED
Me: Aw, poor thing.  How about some noms?  Cal turkey noms!
Both of us: ……
Me: (feeds Cal turkey) this is effed up.
Megan: It’s like Narnia.

One, I did not say “No.”  I said “If you can catch them” and you adopted a quitter attitude.

Two, you’re leaving out the part where Cal’s lost his voice so all that’s coming out is the most pitiful little enraged squeak you can imagine.

haleyscomett-art:

I FOUND IT

NO ONE BELIEVED ME WHEN I SAID I HEARD AN ICE CREAM TRUCK DROPIN BEATS DOWN THE STREET

NOW I HAVE A VID TO PROVE IT OMG I’M SO HAPPY I DIDN’T IMAGINE IT YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME

I’m reblogging this mainly to say that when I started the video, my brother heard the music and went dashing to the front porch and now he’s mad at me.

(via coffees-and-cats)

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
Fridays at 10!  I’m really fighting the urge to ask about stats and stuff, like are all missionaries white mages or clerics or what and how does the Bible say to handle random encounters.  Oh man I bet their screen names are fantastic.
Today I found out my cousin is an MMORPG missionary and that apparently MMORPG missionaries are a thing.  I shouldn’t even be surprised.  The only way this could be better if it was Second Life.

Today I found out my cousin is an MMORPG missionary and that apparently MMORPG missionaries are a thing.  I shouldn’t even be surprised.  The only way this could be better if it was Second Life.

delcat:

"6 1/2 wide…7.  7…6 1/2 wide.  7 I guess.  He really has had a lot more ink done.  —WAIT WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK"
I GO TO CHECK OUT AND SURPRISE DUDE
THE MOTHERFUCKING ENIGMA
RIGHT THERE
IN SEARS
AND IT’S NOT LIKE “ASKOOSE ME ARE YOU THE ENIGMA” IT’S THE MOTHERFUCKING ENIGMA
HE’S TELLING THE CLERK HE SHOPS THERE ALL THE TIME
SUDDENLY I’M ALL HIDING BEHIND A DISPLAY RANSACKING MY STUFF FOR ANYTHING THAT’LL TAKE PICTURES ALL GDI THIS PHONE HAS A LENS IT MUST TAKE PICTURES IT MUST
AND I FIGURED IT OUT AND WAITED FOR HIM TO STOP TALKING AND CRAWLED UP CLUTCHING MY SHOEBOX TO MY CHEST LIKE A TEDDY BEAR
"EXCUSE ME S-S-SIR BUT I’VE…HAD A C-C-C-CRUSH ON Y-YYYOU FOR D-D-D-DECADES CAN I G-GET A PICTURE PLEASE"
AND HE SAID YES OF COURSE AND THE SHOE CLERK TOOK THIS AND OH MY GOD
I TOLD HIM HE WAS AMAZING AND HE THANKED ME AND LET ME SHAKE HIS HAND
THEN WE ENDED UP CHECKING OUT AT OPPOSING REGISTERS
"Do you want to add your home address to this?"
"I don’t have a home.  I have a car, it works well enough.  …no, I don’t want a card, I’m not into the whole banking thing."
AND I SENT THE PIC TO ICARUS BECAUSE IT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD GET IT OFF MY PHONE AND OH GOD THE MESSAGE WAS SO INCOHERENT BUT THEN ICARUS WAS LIKE “DUUUUUDE X-FILES” AND I WAS LIKE I KNOOOOOOW
IT TOOK AN ENTIRE ORANGE JULIUS TO KEEP FROM PASSING OUT
I LOVE THIS TOOOOOOWN /GHOSTBUSTERS

My brother bumped into The Enigma at fucking Sears I can’t even believe this.

delcat:

"6 1/2 wide…7.  7…6 1/2 wide.  7 I guess.  He really has had a lot more ink done.  —WAIT WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK"

I GO TO CHECK OUT AND SURPRISE DUDE

THE MOTHERFUCKING ENIGMA

RIGHT THERE

IN SEARS

AND IT’S NOT LIKE “ASKOOSE ME ARE YOU THE ENIGMA” IT’S THE MOTHERFUCKING ENIGMA

HE’S TELLING THE CLERK HE SHOPS THERE ALL THE TIME

SUDDENLY I’M ALL HIDING BEHIND A DISPLAY RANSACKING MY STUFF FOR ANYTHING THAT’LL TAKE PICTURES ALL GDI THIS PHONE HAS A LENS IT MUST TAKE PICTURES IT MUST

AND I FIGURED IT OUT AND WAITED FOR HIM TO STOP TALKING AND CRAWLED UP CLUTCHING MY SHOEBOX TO MY CHEST LIKE A TEDDY BEAR

"EXCUSE ME S-S-SIR BUT I’VE…HAD A C-C-C-CRUSH ON Y-YYYOU FOR D-D-D-DECADES CAN I G-GET A PICTURE PLEASE"

AND HE SAID YES OF COURSE AND THE SHOE CLERK TOOK THIS AND OH MY GOD

I TOLD HIM HE WAS AMAZING AND HE THANKED ME AND LET ME SHAKE HIS HAND

THEN WE ENDED UP CHECKING OUT AT OPPOSING REGISTERS

"Do you want to add your home address to this?"

"I don’t have a home.  I have a car, it works well enough.  …no, I don’t want a card, I’m not into the whole banking thing."

AND I SENT THE PIC TO ICARUS BECAUSE IT WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD GET IT OFF MY PHONE AND OH GOD THE MESSAGE WAS SO INCOHERENT BUT THEN ICARUS WAS LIKE “DUUUUUDE X-FILES” AND I WAS LIKE I KNOOOOOOW

IT TOOK AN ENTIRE ORANGE JULIUS TO KEEP FROM PASSING OUT

I LOVE THIS TOOOOOOWN /GHOSTBUSTERS

My brother bumped into The Enigma at fucking Sears I can’t even believe this.

delcat:

lvrnemalvo:

monobeartheater:

arcticmowsy:

aerostarmonk:

The man entered his home and was absolutely delighted when he discovered someone had stolen every lamp in the house.

oh my god

i just do not understand this post what even

OH MY FUCKING GOD

My family and I played this game for an entire car ride once except my father did not get it

Mom: If an electrician lost his job, would he be delighted?
Megan: If a lawyer lost his job, would he be debriefed?
Me: If Beethoven lost his job, would he be decomposed?
Dad: If a plumber lost his job, would he be out of luck?

like seriously genuinely did not get it at all

also I understand now why Mom went “MEGAN” really loudly when she riffed on the florist

theremina:

Holy fuck this is a splendid thing. From the packaging, to the Dagwood comic strip, to a government-promoted pamphlet called “Prospecting for Uranium”  to the fact that there are multiple forms of uranium included, it’s just… I don’t… GUH. There’s a geiger counter, an electroscope, a miniature cloud chamber, a spinthariscope… I don’t even. 

"Science kits these days don’t contain many items that you couldn’t already find around the house: salt, balloons, magnets and a few odds and ends. But kids who were lucky enough to have wealthy parents in the early 1950s had the unprecedented chance to play with uranium ore in this very cool science kit. The Gilbert U-238 Atomic Energy Lab was only sold from 1951 to 1952, and at the time its $50 price tag was too steep for many families.”

So they discontinued it. Nowadays, on auction sites, full kits go for thousands of dollars to avid collectors.

Amazeballs.

I fucking FOUND the “Prospecting For Uranium” pamphlet at a backwoods flea market and SOMEBODY would not let me buy it because “radiation” and “poisoning” and “for the love of god don’t touch that are you serious”

@delcat  SOMEBODY owes me at least a portion of thousands of dollars apparently

(Source: gajitz.com, via wilwheaton)

My one cousin who ends all her Facebook messages by unironically reminding us of our impending mortality.

My one cousin who ends all her Facebook messages by unironically reminding us of our impending mortality.

Progression of an obsessive-compulsive day

delcat:

image

I was here most of today because my hormones are down (or up or whatever) again and got through work by reasoning that if absolutely nothing mattered, there’s no reason NOT to be shelving books.

Then I talked with Mom and I upgraded to

image

Then Megan watched a movie with me and I upgraded to

image

And then I checked my messages to find them FLOODED WITH A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF PORN and now I’m just

image

you guys keep me sane and I love you

thank you

(p.s. ridiculous amount of porn to follow)

Re-reblogging because after my initial knee-jerk “fuck no I look awful” I’m coming to kind of like how I look in this pic and that’s really rare, at least twice as rare when I’m smiling in a pic, and I’m trying to get used to it.
Also can’t have too much of flaunting all the gorgeous girlfriends.

Re-reblogging because after my initial knee-jerk “fuck no I look awful” I’m coming to kind of like how I look in this pic and that’s really rare, at least twice as rare when I’m smiling in a pic, and I’m trying to get used to it.

Also can’t have too much of flaunting all the gorgeous girlfriends.

(Source: rubyredfeathers)