In Coffee Spoons

How the Logic of "Friendzoning" Would Work If Applied in Other Instances:

• *Man walks into a store and finds employee*
• Man: Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
• Employee: Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
• Man: I never filled out an application.
• Employee: Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
• Man: No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
• Employee: Well, but that doesn't-
• Man: AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
• Employee: But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
• Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
• Employee: Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
• Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
• Employee: ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
• Man: Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
• Employee: That...doesn't make any sense.
• Man: NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
• Employee:
• Man:
• Employee:
• Man: Fuck you, slut.

• Playboy: There's a video on YouTube called "Peter Dinklage Gets So Much Pussy" in which two guys talk about how much you've been getting laid since Game of Thrones. They estimate your sexual activity has increased 600 percent in the past few years. Does that sound about right?
• Dinklage: It depends. By "pussy" do they mean actual pussy? Or is it a metaphor, like for gardening? Because if that's the case, then yes, I've been doing a lot of gardening lately. If they mean sex, they might be getting me confused with somebody else. But if pussy means wearing old-man sweaters and watering my herb garden, then absolutely, I'm getting so much pussy.