Regardless of it being consensual, BDSM sexualizes violence [normally against women] and you honestly can’t argue that.
I respectfully disagree.
While I understand how some could argue that BDSM reinforces misogyny, and eroticizes power and violence, I believe that between two consenting adults, the interpersonal dynamic of a BDSM relationship empowers both the dominant and the submissive (regardless of gender).
And it has to be consenting if it’s BDSM otherwise it’s just abuse. I know many women who enjoy BDSM because it validates their sexual desires and sexual inclinations, and there’s nothing wrong with having a shared fantasy that can be enacted by two (or more) willing people.
But that’s just my two cents, feel free to feel how you feel; it’s valid either way :3
You just proved my point. If you take away the consent, it’s abuse.
I’m not saying it’s not empowering to the women who partake in it. I question the men who partake in it as a “dom” simply because we need to evaluate where their desire for dominance over women stems from (and most of the time, it comes from misogynistic tendencies, but that’s a different discussion altogether and I’m not going to discuss that on this post). I’m not saying there isn’t more to BDSM than violence or power. I’m not saying I have a problem with BDSM or the people who participate in it.
I’m just saying that BDSM sexualizes violence, which it does, and you can’t argue that it doesn’t.
My two cents. I have several friends in the BDSM community and though I admit that I no longer have that as one of my fetishes, there was a time when I did, though I was always on the fringes, not deep into the hardcore stuff. But I did learn some things, even if there’s a lot I still don’t really understand.
Yes if you take away consent it could be considered just abuse, but at that moment is also ceases to be BDSM. BDSM REQUIRES consent. BDSM is ultimately a trust exercise between the sub and dom and an exercise in control and finding boundaries. It’s not about abuse for abuses sake.
I would also put forward that BDSM does NOT sexualize violence. BDSM is a refuge for those for whom violence is already sexualized. These two sentences do NOT have the same meaning.
I would also note that in my remaining ties with that community, most of the men I know who are part of it… are subs, not doms or a mix of the two depending on the activity at hand.
I think this entire argument postulated by the OP and responder needs more actual knowledge, research and understanding attached to it. And I include myself on that part because like I said, I still have friends in the BDSM community and I was on the fringes of it for a while after my sexual assault. But I still don’t entirely understand everything about it.
And i definitely don’t think that a blanket statement like “BDSM sexualizes violence” is fair or true, and definitely comes from someone with little to no actual experience or knowledge of the subject to which they are speaking.
All I’ll add to this myself is that “BDSM sexualizes violence regardless of being consensual” and “we need to evaluate the male desire to dominate women and its potential misogynistic origins” are two EXTREMELY different conversations which most feminist kinksters I know would have extremely different responses to, and that I have yet to see a serious critique of BDSM that is not extremely erasive and limited in scope with regards to gender/orientation.
how do woman not orgasm when inserting tampons.
like isn’t just like having sex idgi?
This sounds like a Mitt Romney diary entry.
how do men not orgasm when putting on a condom
like isn’t just like having sex idgi?
Do you have any fucking idea how much tampons would cost if they made you come?
(Source: basedyeeezus, via coffees-and-cats)
I had carefully assembled all my facts: Sex has to do with babies getting made, bellybuttons have to do with babies being in a lady’s tummy, french kissing with tongues has to do with sex, the sinful romance novels at the grocery store have to do with sex. Thanks to the sweeping popularity of this pose in 90s romance novel covers:
The conclusion was pretty obvious: Sex is when a man makes a baby by sticking his tongue in a lady’s bellybutton. CLEARLY.
"if prostitution were legalized that guy wouldn’t have shot those women"
HEY ASSHOLES GUESS WHAT
sex workers do not want unstable, VIOLENT men as clients
Sex workers are not disposable things you can use and put in danger to protect the ‘good’ women
Entitlement like that can’t be resolved by sex work, and frankly even if it could, the danger to sex workers + likely resulting injury to them would NOT be okay
"Tina Belcher’s sexual desires are weird. They’re weird and more than a little off-putting and not meant to be particularly palatable for the average straight male viewer. And it is glorious to watch. The show makes you recognize her desires as a young woman and the possibly that other girls feel the same way. Tina’s budding sexuality might be an exaggerated view of how a lot of teenage girls feel as they grow up, but there are girls out there that relate to Tina and it’s a point of view that rarely gets told. And when it is, it’s almost always bent to fit how men want girls to express their sexuality. But Tina’s sexual desires aren’t there to titillate the audience. They’re there because they’re a part of her."
Sexual Agency and Zombie Butts: Why Bob’s Burgers’ Tina Belcher Matters (via themarysue)
Tina Belcher is important.
once one of my straight male friends who has a significant amount of sex asked me ‘when two girls do it how do you know when you’re finished’ and to this day thats one of the saddest things ive ever heard
It never actually ends. F-F couples have to be very careful when beginning a love-making session otherwise they can enter an eternal loop that lasts until they die.
Like… wouldn’t knowing fat people who are sexually active pretty readily disprove that theory on a personal level? Because most of the fat people I know are in relationships. Hell, a lot of fat people I know have never slept a night alone in their adult lives unless it was by choice, same as some thin people I know.
I’m in a relationship and I still get propositioned. Not because I’m an exceptional fat woman in any way, but because I’m a human being that some people find attractive and engaging for a wide variety of reasons. You know, like every other human on the planet.
Yet there’s this message hammered into people of size that they are ugly, unfuckable, unloveable, and unwanted — despite the fact that the world is filled with fat people who get laid and are in happy relationships.
Neither do I, but it’s so pervasive that despite being in a threesome for years plus one-night stands and FWBs on the side, I still struggle with feeling undesirable as a fat chick.